Something that I haven’t been keen on talking about in a broad and open way has been my battle with mental health issues. So often it’s been after the smoke has cleared and I’m back in motion of building and rebuilding things that I begin to talk about it. Things get torn down in the middle of whatever mental crisis I had going on and shame stays over way too long of a visit, so I prolong talking about it. I then would sprinkle it with ‘Jesus-talk’ and then also sanitize it so it wouldn’t be so much of the negative emotions attached to it when I spoke it up. I’ve done it so much to the point that this last time when I went through a deep depression…I couldn’t even be honest with myself about how bad it was actually getting.
Tag Archives: Process
The Road Down and Through Procrastination
As I was folding laundry today I started thinking about why I have been so afraid to approach the very things I have always wanted. Whether it has been getting involved with community, sharpening my skills in various crafts I love, or stepping out into an area of life I often dreamed of, I have struggled to take the necessary steps to get there. I wrestled with both my excuses and God as I fought against receiving many of the gifts He is currently preparing me. Living in this dichotomy of wanting the things God desires for me yet fighting against His hand to receive them is sadly something I have been doing for years. Over the years, I wanted to truly feel and embrace love yet I kept failing to spend time with the one who is Love. I wanted peace so badly that I would sleep to keep the pain that comes with living away but I would not take the time to rest in the one who is Peace. I saw the same thing went for wanting the blessings God has for me personally but still pushing away His hand out of fear.
Warrior Letters 