Brain Fog and Simple Approaches

My brain’s been fogging and lagging like a laptop with too many large applications open on it. Though that and waves of fatigue have come, I have found safety in going slow today, not rushing to get so many things done that can wait another day and taking my time while I venture into exploring more of what it is You are leading and directing me to do moment by moment.

With this Spring weather here, comes both bouts of hope that well up and spring through me as well as these weird feelings of fear and angst like the worst or scariest things are around the corner…yet the more I keep in touch with You through the day and take my time when these thoughts arise, the less and less I find myself feeling as though I’m going through them alone. They come up and quickly dissipate; and even when the thoughts are gone and the sensation of fear still lingers, the reality of You being with me remains and the feelings subside.

This past year I didn’t accomplish as much as I had hoped I would and yet the fear of the basics of faith, discipline, and confronting stagnation was none of which I wanted to do. It felt like I was returning to a home that was so destroyed it was inhabitable and yet I had nowhere else to live. I had no choice but to face it and every day I have to do such a thing while gripping to hope by faith that these types of days won’t be my final ones but if I don’t listen to Your promptings, they’ll be all I ever see.

The Perks of Writing a Blog While Growing

One of the perks of writing a blog and being in a place of widespread personal development is trying to figure out which parts to broadcast and which ones to just plain-old keep private. I say all of that borderline sarcastic. To add even more into the mix, I personally use different art mediums to communicate things that I go through and to even show how I get through things. Some things will remain private moments as not everything is always needed to be made public.

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Navigating Mental Health

Something that I haven’t been keen on talking about in a broad and open way has been my battle with mental health issues. So often it’s been after the smoke has cleared and I’m back in motion of building and rebuilding things that I begin to talk about it. Things get torn down in the middle of whatever mental crisis I had going on and shame stays over way too long of a visit, so I prolong talking about it. I then would sprinkle it with ‘Jesus-talk’ and then also sanitize it so it wouldn’t be so much of the negative emotions attached to it when I spoke it up. I’ve done it so much to the point that this last time when I went through a deep depression…I couldn’t even be honest with myself about how bad it was actually getting.

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Finding My Voice Through Writing

I wrestle a lot with writer’s block and also with finding my words. Funny and fitting that I would be prompted to write a blog. Initially I wanted to title it something along the lines of having something to do with being a wallflower and all I could hear and feel each time I got ready to enter the blog title in was an unwavering and convicting ‘no’. I already knew to name the blog Warrior Letters, but I was concerned about whether what I had to say would actually live up to it.

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Reviving Warrior Letters: A Journey of Authentic Healing

Photograph by Super Straho via Unsplash

I started Warrior Letters with the intention of encouraging others who may be going through things that I was currently facing as I went through it. Some stuff I wrote about on the back end of healing and was able to add a little bit more of something potentially helpful to any who would find themselves reading the posts. I fought to find a style that would fit; thinking I had to have a sort of writing etiquette to post something of merit. Do I use big words? Do I keep all the fluff in when writing? Am I over sharing on this post? Does this paragraph sound too preachy? and the best of all…I don’t even follow this fully or have this going for me, but I guess I can use this scripture to encourage someone else to do it. (Complete mic drop) And not even the kind where it’s because you just dropped gems but because I dropped the ball and ultimately figured it better to feed the feed with something that was anything but me; anything but real.

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Living A Lifestyle of Sabbath

Photo by Aleksandar Cvetanovic on Unsplash

I used to think sabbath was a day of rest to be observed on Saturday or Sunday (whichever a person chooses) until I moved to North Carolina to help a friend of mine in their spiritual walk. God had me take only a messenger bag of essentials and an extra pair of shoes that were already in my car. I didn’t know how God was going to have me help her but I was down for the journey.

Before moving to North Carolina, I was used to being both busy (in a non-productive and tiresomely working way) and being productive (in an intentional way). My mind would often fluctuate between the two ways of completing tasks as I sought to maintain balance. I picked up on house chores for my friend to help create more room in her awareness of God’s presence in her daily life that routines seemed to occupy. As I stood at the kitchen sink washing dishes, I felt led to ask her if she was ready for a vacation. I got just as excited as she did when she said yes. The gusto in her voice matched the color of my insides as we both lit up! I heard the Lord tell me it was starting right at that moment. I was a bit dumbfounded as I had always associated vacationing with leaving my place of residence unless it was a staycation. The rest of that day has now rolled out into months as I work to maintain a new understanding of vacationing (also known as sabbath to me).

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The Road Down and Through Procrastination

Photo by Nubelson Fernandes on Unsplash

As I was folding laundry today I started thinking about why I have been so afraid to approach the very things I have always wanted. Whether it has been getting involved with community, sharpening my skills in various crafts I love, or stepping out into an area of life I often dreamed of, I have struggled to take the necessary steps to get there. I wrestled with both my excuses and God as I fought against receiving many of the gifts He is currently preparing me for. Living in this dichotomy of wanting the things God desires for me yet fighting against His hand to receive them is sadly something I have been doing for years. Over the years, I wanted to truly feel and embrace love yet I kept failing to spend time with the one who is Love. I wanted peace so badly that I would sleep to keep away the pain that comes with living but I would not take the time to rest in the one who is Peace. I saw the same thing with wanting the blessings God personally has for me while still pushing away His hand out of fear.

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Gaining Ground Against Anxiety, Depression, and Every Day Battles

Photo by Susan Wilkinson on Unsplash

There’s so much happening in the world right now. Even if you don’t get out much, chances are, either you are going through hardships right now or you probably know of someone who is (or possibly even both). Over the past month, my family and I have been going through many trials together and individually. In times when we felt stronger, we seemed to have many friends who were going through a lot and needed lifting up. It’s so easy to bypass others in their hurt when we are surrounded on every side by battles of our own.

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Pop Quizzes from God: Serving in Your Pain

Photo by Luis Galvez on Unsplash

Many of my emotions and thoughts almost two weeks ago seemed to loom around having a child. I don’t know how to explain the weight of living in this kind of tension in light of my current circumstances. It’s like if you were wanting a child when you know you have already had complications with conceiving before, you just went through a divorce, and you see others enjoying their marriage and being fruitful and multiplying. It’s just plain hard. So to keep my mind off of myself, I thought it would be a good idea to help someone decorate for a gender reveal party. I felt led to take my camera with me so I could take pictures while I was there.

Over the course of my life, I have acquired many false beliefs about myself. Those same beliefs mixed with temperamental emotions tend to come together and are often validated by circumstances and the words and actions of others. I then find myself with an active internal volcano ready to overflow into a terrible break down. How does any of this relate to a party you attended or photographs, Paris? Well I’m glad you asked as you read the question! Here is my account of how all of these things collided on a day when God called me to serve in my pain.

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Vulnerability and Self Sabotage: Exposing Wounds in Exchange for Healing and Restoration

Photo by Paris Lopez on Unsplash

I can’t quite put my finger on exactly how it happened or how I ended up in a place of fearing being myself. I somehow thought it was a good idea to try to separate who I was into compartments. It was in this remote place that I was made aware of the aftermath of my own self sabotage. The ways in which I have approached my spiritual journey have consisted of over and under spiritualization. I find myself going in loops of holding myself to a standard of a certain level of spiritual maturity and then painfully recognizing where I actually am is no where near where I am comfortable with admitting. As a result I tend to think perhaps I don’t trust God enough because I am not further along in my walk.

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