My brain’s been fogging and lagging like a laptop with too many large applications open on it. Though that and waves of fatigue have come, I have found safety in going slow today, not rushing to get so many things done that can wait another day and taking my time while I venture into exploring more of what it is You are leading and directing me to do moment by moment.
Category Archives: Letters
The Perks of Writing a Blog While Growing
One of the perks of writing a blog and being in a place of widespread personal development is trying to figure out which parts to broadcast and which ones to just plain-old keep private. I say all of that borderline sarcastic. To add even more into the mix, I personally use different art mediums to communicate things that I go through and to even show how I get through things. Some things will remain private moments as not everything is always needed to be made public.
Over the Summer and through the Fall I started a self-portrait series using photography in which I photographed myself in both staged and non-staged environments to retell events that I’ve gone through, to display battles I was facing in those current moments, and to capture what I hoped to eventually step into and embody. As I progressed through the project, I began to feel tapped out of things to say through photography. I was at a loss for words when it came to blogging. Even my journal was dry through those months. I practically was just alive is how I felt. Just living one day to the next without aim, without point (in my mind), and without much effort.
Navigating Mental Health
Something that I haven’t been keen on talking about in a broad and open way has been my battle with mental health issues. So often it’s been after the smoke has cleared and I’m back in motion of building and rebuilding things that I begin to talk about it. Things get torn down in the middle of whatever mental crisis I had going on and shame stays over way too long of a visit, so I prolong talking about it. I then would sprinkle it with ‘Jesus-talk’ and then also sanitize it so it wouldn’t be so much of the negative emotions attached to it when I spoke it up. I’ve done it so much to the point that this last time when I went through a deep depression…I couldn’t even be honest with myself about how bad it was actually getting.
Finding My Voice Through Writing
I wrestle a lot with writer’s block and also with finding my words. Funny and fitting that I would be prompted to write a blog. Initially I wanted to title it something along the lines of having something to do with being a wallflower and all I could hear and feel each time I got ready to enter the blog title in was an unwavering and convicting ‘no’. I already knew to name the blog Warrior Letters, but I was concerned about whether what I had to say would actually live up to it.
Reviving Warrior Letters: A Journey of Authentic Healing
Photograph by Super Straho via Unsplash I started Warrior Letters with the intention of encouraging others who may be going through things that I was currently facing as I went through it. Some stuff I wrote about on the back end of healing and was able to add a little bit more of something potentiallyContinue reading “Reviving Warrior Letters: A Journey of Authentic Healing”
Living A Lifestyle of Sabbath
I used to think sabbath was a day of rest to be observed on Saturday or Sunday (whichever a person chooses) until I moved to North Carolina to help a friend of mine in their spiritual walk. God had me take only a messenger bag of essentials and an extra pair of shoes that were already in my car. I didn’t know how God was going to have me help her but I was down for the journey.
The Road Down and Through Procrastination
As I was folding laundry today I started thinking about why I have been so afraid to approach the very things I have always wanted. Whether it has been getting involved with community, sharpening my skills in various crafts I love, or stepping out into an area of life I often dreamed of, I have struggled to take the necessary steps to get there. I wrestled with both my excuses and God as I fought against receiving many of the gifts He is currently preparing me. Living in this dichotomy of wanting the things God desires for me yet fighting against His hand to receive them is sadly something I have been doing for years. Over the years, I wanted to truly feel and embrace love yet I kept failing to spend time with the one who is Love. I wanted peace so badly that I would sleep to keep the pain that comes with living away but I would not take the time to rest in the one who is Peace. I saw the same thing went for wanting the blessings God has for me personally but still pushing away His hand out of fear.
Gaining Ground Against Anxiety, Depression, and Every Day Battles
For much of my life, it felt as though I was at the mercy of whatever life wanted to dish out. Much of the time I viewed life as something that just happened to me. From age nine to twenty-seven, I struggled with depression and anxiety. As a result of many things that happened in my childhood, I transformed from a child that trusted easily to one that was skeptical by default. From skepticism stemmed the paranoia that others wanted to harm me, use me, violate me, etc. In my current awareness, I recognize that the unhealed pains of childhood kept me from always reaching out for help and also receiving help when I was in emotional and spiritual distress. I only began reaching out to others for help a few years ago.
Pop Quizzes from God: Serving in Your Pain
Over the course of my life, I have acquired many false beliefs about myself. Those same beliefs mixed with temperamental emotions tend to come together and are often validated by circumstances and the words and actions of others. I then find myself with an active internal volcano ready to overflow into a terrible break down. How does any of this relate to a party you attended or photographs, Paris? Well I’m glad you asked as you read the question! Here is my account of how all of these things collided on a day when God called me to serve in my pain.
Vulnerability and Self Sabotage: Exposing Wounds in Exchange for Healing and Restoration
I can’t quite put my finger on exactly how it happened or how I ended up in a place of fearing being myself. I somehow thought it was a good idea to try to separate who I was into compartments. It was in this remote place that I was made aware of the aftermath of my own self sabotage. The ways in which I have approached my spiritual journey have consisted of over and under spiritualization. I find myself going in loops of holding myself to a standard of a certain level of spiritual maturity and then painfully recognizing where I actually am is no where near where I am comfortable with admitting. As a result I tend to think perhaps I don’t trust God enough because I am not further along in my walk.
Warrior Letters 