Gifts, Blessings, and Jealousy

Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

While lying in bed, tossing and turning, listening to God as He unveiled the last bit of revelation from the past 24 hours, I kept replaying the words our fill-in small group leader said just before closing out with prayer. They stated that we should not be jealous of what others shared during our meeting; that God speaks to each of us in unique ways; that the way He speaks to us during one season may be different in the next and that is a part of our individual journeys; not to be compared to our neighbor’s.

I remained restless as I thought over it; reflecting on a moment when I stood in my kitchen after getting home from the group meeting. The enemy was using the same statements our group leader shared in an attempt to muffle the words God had spoken to me through the duration of the semester. I began to feel a sense of sorrow for sharing them. A weight of responsibility began to fall on me as I wondered if what I shared was the catalyst for the spirit of jealousy being nurtured. I began to cradle the gift of a-deeper-intimacy that God had given me over the semester saying, “There there, we mustn’t offend others by having you out in the open…maybe some other time we can fellowship out in the light“.

In the same way one snaps out of a daydream, I came to realize that what I was thinking was not proper protocol for saints. Later I would come to remember the imagery God planted in my mind of Him peeling the skin off of a Granny Smith apple as I envisioned seeing Him speak to Nicodemus privately as I read John 3:10-18. He was allowing me to smell the apple along with a light aroma of honey as I listened to Him speak to Nicodemus in my mind. Jesus unapologetically standing in the light as Nicodemus hid in a shadow because he snuck to come see Him so as to not cause chaos and riot. On gripping a Granny Smith apple between my teeth and tongue, I usually shudder at the tartness of it when the skin is still on it. Such is jealousy when I have seen someone with something that I have longed for and prayed for. When I peel the skin off a Granny Smith apple, I’m able to actually taste the sweetness beneath and appreciate the gift that it is; add honey and it’s a delight enjoy indeed.

I immediately began to think on what Paul wrote in Romans (11:11-15 ICB) “So I ask: When the Jews fell, did that fall destroy them? No! But their failure brought salvation to the non-Jews. This took place to cause the Jews to be jealous. The Jews’ failure brought rich blessings for the world. And what the Jews lost brought rich blessings for the non-Jewish people. So surely the world will get much richer blessings when enough Jews become the kind of people God wants. Now I am an apostle to the non-Jews. So while I have that work, I will do the best I can. I hope I can make my own people jealous. That way, maybe I can help some of them to be saved. God turned away from the Jews. When that happened, God became friends with the other people in the world. So when God accepts the Jews, then surely that will bring to them life after death.“

Though I could not recall these verses verbatim when I was in the kitchen earlier in the night, I remembered reading in the past how God used the salvation and blessings of the Gentiles to cause the Jews to be jealous. He did this so that they would recognize that His blessing for them would be even greater, even though they rejected Him. When it was brought to my mind yet again, as I rustled under the sheets, I no longer felt as though I wanted to hide what God was doing for me in my life, how He has spoken to me, and the promises that He has given to me and my family to come. I began to tell God that though I wasn’t sure if it was biblical to share what He was doing in my life with the intent to cause others to be jealous, I told Him I honestly wanted others to be. Not in efforts for people to put me on a pedestal, or so I can gain ‘energy‘ and ‘drive‘ from “haters“, but as purely as I can say, I want people to take a good hard look at me. I want people to look at me, where I have come from, remember just how lost I was, and then see just how much God has blessed me, is blessing me and witness how He is going to bless me in the future; and because of that, go and run to God, furiously jealous, and ask Him why is it that He is blessing me when not even a full five years ago, I was practicing witchcraft, sleeping with a man I wasn’t married to, had gotten pregnant, forced a miscarriage, and a myriad of other things. I want them to speak to God and expect an answer from Him for this because of what He has allowed and because He has blessed me despite what I have done, so that He can place them in their spiritual attic. My prayer is that when God begins to reveal to them all the things that He desires to heal them of, they would be willing to unpack all of the things they have tried so hard to hide from Him; so that they may truly be free also; that they may know that the first and only real riches in this life, is the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ and the full measure and spread of flavas of the fruit of His Spirit…and yes I said FLAVAS…not flavors!

After telling God how I felt, I could sense a bit of laughter on His end and a sweet grin as He asked why did I think He wanted me to start sharing my testimonies and photography of the seemingly ‘mundane’ day to day portions of my life like playing cops and robbers almost every time I see my little brother, painting the walls in our new home, or a gift that a friend dropped off for me on our front porch. He jokingly asked did I think it was just to share pretty pictures, and then He proceeded to show me images of people that I knew and did not know that would see those posts and wonder why I had things that they did not, though they have worked so hard. The Lord was explaining to me that the Granny Smith He was peeling in His hand was similar to when we confess to Him that we are jealous of someone or something that they have; that when we tell Him, we don’t proceed down the line to go on and coddle jealousy as we get off track to follow our desires to act haughty, slander peoples’ names, or try to find fault in their walk. Add some honey to the end of that and it’s like a fervent healing and anointing. We don’t have to keep enduring the bitterness that comes with every bite of enjoying what we see in someone’s character, faith walk, or various products of their life. Whether the skin (jealousy) is on or off of our ‘Granny Smith’ apples is all dependent on whether or not we are willing to be transparent with God or pretend like we aren’t struggling with the bitter taste; God honors those who humbly come to Him.

The more time ticks away the larger the gap I see between people who really want an authentic relationship with the Lord and those who want to bare the name of Christ but not the burden of their own cross. I know very well how that is. I was stuck for so long with my gear in neutral, making a LOT of noise going pedal to the metal in my spiritual vehicle but getting NOWHERE. It’s one thing for me to go slowly in my walk with God but another to be going ‘2 miles and hour so everyone sees me’ making a lot of noise but gaining no ground. No matter what level I find myself on in various areas in my journey, the key to the next level thus far, has always been trading in lies for the truth that God has said about Himself, about myself, about others, or combinations of those. The more time I spend with God, allowing Him to bring His word to life in my heart, mind, and soul, the more I see that we ALL have something that we have not fully believed about Him, ourselves, others, or combinations of those, no matter how old we are or how long we have been on the journey. That realization is sobering and humbling and places EVERYONE on equal ground. There is no winners’ podium at the foot of Jesus’ cross, we all come deadlocked in last place because Jesus is the only one who actually secured the victory, because we as man were and are incapable because we ALL have sinned and fallen short of God’s perfect standard; which is Christ.

There is no one-and-done step, but if you take one deliberate step toward God today, right now, and take another toward Him tomorrow, that’s all that He is asking. He isn’t asking you to be perfect or take the trip of a full-life’s faith walk in one day. He simply invites you to partner with Him; to allow Him to bring your heart to revere Him so that He may work the knowledge and understanding of Himself into every part of you. No matter what you have done. No matter how dirty you may feel. No matter how far you think you have gotten away from God, He wants you! Yes! You reading this! He wants you to have a personal relationship with Him, simply because He loves you!

For those of you who are intimately connected with God, I want to encourage you to share whatever it is that you may fear using to glorify God. Whether you believe that it isn’t significant enough for Him to make something out of (Read 1 Kings 17:7-16 if you want proof that what you have is enough!), afraid it would cause others to be jealous/not like you, or any other reason, know that this world still has people in it that either have never heard the real Gospel of Jesus Christ or either they have never fully laid their life down for God. Either way, spend some time just asking God if there is any area in your life you may have forgotten or do not recognize that you are sitting on that He is patiently waiting for you wanting you to allow Him to use!