Photo by Jp Valery on Unsplash
Just imagine it. You are rapidly approaching the month of December and the holidays are right around the corner. You know from your previous year that your spouse will be home for roughly four to five weeks straight because the business they work for does a seasonal shut down. Oh, and did I mention you are no longer working? Bills are piling up. You have ran clean out of money for emergencies. Don’t forget your second vehicle’s battery is corroded and you two are now living paycheck to paycheck. Living off of ramen and instant potatoes. For the cherry on top, God has promised to provide for all of you and your spouses’ needs during this time but that neither of you are to pick up ANY work. Come again?!
I scrounged to find a way around it. To find a way to make a few extra dollars here and there that wasn’t really the definition of working. I thought of all of the possible income that could potentially come in, hoping someone would surprise us with a nice sized sum of money as an early Christmas gift. My husband expressed to me that he would find a job somewhere during the shut down. He figured plenty of places were hiring given the holidays. We both stood in the middle of our kitchen peering at one another. I could feel God urging me to tell my husband it was not in His interest for either of us to work. I looked at him for a moment longer and told him I did not believe either of us were supposed to work.
Dry eraser maker scribbles covered the board on our wall at the bottom of our stairs. I had made a habit of keeping a weekly record of expenses, appointments, and agendas on it. I made my way down the stairs, my eyes meeting the bright pink and green writing that held back nothing to remind me that we had rent, renter’s insurance, a car note, a credit card bill, and student loans all due within the first week of December. To my surprise, I chuckled when I looked at it. There was a well of faith in me and I could feel it rising. I began to thank God in advance for what I could sense He was about to do but had no other outward evidence to support it than remembering all the other times He provided for us.
***
I recalled a time when I lived in Chicago and I was living off of ramen and peanut butter sandwiches (please make sure you either have access to water or someone who knows the Heimlich maneuver. I do NOT recommend eating those without jelly…sooooooo dry!). On days when I could afford to spend an extra dollar, I would treat myself to dessert! A can of pineapples with the leftover juice it soaked in. I worked almost constantly during this time as a courier for a food delivery service. What ever I made in one 24-hour period, would be added together plus tips and it would be in my bank account in two to three days. There was one particular day I sat in a near empty parking lot, in only God know’s what part of Northern Western Chicago, talking to my mom on the phone. I felt so defeated and did not know how I was even going to be able to work the next few days. I knew I needed money for at least gas and food. I had enough gas to get me all the way home and I had hoped to stop at the local Jewel grocery store (similar to stores like Kroger and Mariano’s) for another loaf of bread to go with my hearty peanut butter. The biggest problem I saw was with my bank account. I was notorious, and sometimes still am, for dropping my phone, which at the time had a nice sized crack in it. It was conveniently placed right where my bank app showed my account balance. I couldn’t tell if the crack was splitting in front of the digits in the balance or if my account was negative. I could feel God encouraging me to go to the Jewel downtown near the Roosevelt stop on the Red Line. Afraid of being embarrassed that my card may be declined at my ‘regular’ Jewel (you know everyone has that ONE store out of all of the chain of stores that they love to go to), I asked the Lord if I could go to a different one. He then reminded me of another one not too far from my regular one off of Roosevelt and Canal.
Once I parked in the store parking lot, I promptly proceeded to check my account again. I opened the account and I still couldn’t tell if it was just the crack or a negative and I could feel God telling me to go in the store. I wanted so badly to open the web browser on my phone and check online, hoping I would be able to see what was in front of that six dollars and something cents but I could hear God telling me no and to just go in the store and get the bread.
I never saw apples look so good in my life until I was told to only grab a loaf of bread and go to the checkout line. When I got in line there was a gentleman standing in front of me and a lady in front of him. My stomach was starting to turn and I kept lobbying back and faith between belief and unbelief in that moment. I kept thinking about all the past expenses I had had leading up until then and I knew it was not just a crack in my phone. It was a big fat negative. I began to pray in faith that God would show up in that moment and provide a way for me to purchase that loaf of bread. Right after I prayed, the man in front of me turned around and told me that I could go ahead of him. I said thank you but then it dawned on me, there would be just one more person to witness what was about to happen. I believed God would come through, I just didn’t know how. The clerk rang up my bread for a dollar and some change. Another person walked up behind the man that allowed me in front of him. The clerk told them she was closed after the man behind me. I was relieved there would be one less witness to this. I swiped my card thinking surely God will just allow this purchase to go through since it is so small. The clerk looked at me and told me loudly that my card was declined. My stomach dropped and I was so embarrassed. I quickly prayed and tried again. I was loudly told for the second time that my card was declined. For anyone who has ever been in this kind of situation, I don’t know what it is about that moment but it just feels like the clerk is ALWAYS talking extra loud! I dropped my head in defeat and began to walk off. I felt completely humiliated that I could not even purchase a loaf of bread. The man who allowed me in front of him told me he would pay for the bread. I thanked him and swiftly walked out of the store with tears already running down my face.
I knew in that moment it was no one but God who orchestrated that moment. People could golf clap this moment and say “Yay God…” but for me, He was worthy of me being laid out with my face being on the floor in a pool of my tears. I had absolutely no money. To be more precise, I owed money; and He told me to go in the store, and get the bread. He did nothing short of a miracle to provide me with what I needed and more. That night He not only gave me bread, but He also gave me some spurred faith and a moment to never forget. He is the same God yesterday, today, and tomorrow. So with His word and the experience He gave me, that was all the evidence I needed to know if He did it before, He will do it again!
***
Once more I was faced with the stretching of my faith. I could feel God calling me to write down ALL of our expenses for the month of December and believe in faith that He would supply all of our needs yet again. I was not looking forward to it and even had a tinge of anxiousness welt up when I thought about following through. I thought about all of the other things we had to pay for that month but I resubmitted it all to God. I was reminded of an old monthly dry erase calendar I put away in our bedroom closet. I wrote all of our expenses for the month of December on it and I prayed again after I hung it on the wall. Soon after I felt the urge to ask our landlord if we could get an extension on our rent. They agreed to us making double payments in the month of January. My husband and I felt a little bit of relief and thanked God for His provision. We looked harder at our calendar to see what other expenses we could have moved or reduced. I called about a credit card debt payment I had and Juan called about a financial account of his own. My payment was agreed to be reduced by 73% for both December and January. Upon Juan calling about his account, he found out it was settled! That was already over $1000 we would not have to worry about for the time being.
Though we felt we were receiving a second wind, we still had no idea how we would eat. With our finances tied into the rest of our expenses for the first part of the month, we were unsure of what mode of provision would be provided but continued to believe that God would supply. The light bulb went off and I remember my mom saying she had no intentions on buying gifts for anyone this holiday season. I gave her a ring and asked had she changed her mind on it at all and she said no so I left it open by telling her if she changed her mind to keep us in thought and that we were accepting all donations of meats and canned vegetables.
A few days went by and mom let me know she would stop by the following day to drop off some groceries for my husband and me. I was in the bathroom the next morning when I heard a loud knock on the door. I did not hear much of a conversation being had but assumed it was my mother. Juan called up the stairs to let me know he had a surprise for me. When I walked into the kitchen, there was a large amount of Christmas bags in the middle of the floor. I looked through the bags and saw they were the groceries that my mom said she intended to drop off just the day before. I began to unpack the contents of the bags when I noticed there was a bottle of olive oil. I had not asked my mother for olive oil even though just the day before I noticed that we were down to our last few drops. I don’t think I had ever been so happy to see olive oil in my life. She also bought us fruit, which was very helpful at the time because I was working toward cutting out a lot of sugar in my diet. The one item I don’t think I will ever forget my mother buying was shrimp. Out of all of the things she bought, that brought tears to my eyes. My husband is allergic to shellfish and often just the smell of it when fried or baked is enough to kick-start a small amount of irritation for him. I had a desire for shrimp for the past two or three months but did not want to cook it in the house due to Juan’s allergies so I just kept telling myself “Not this time.”, every time I would see some in the store. I called my mom to thank her for the groceries and asked what made her buy shrimp. She told me she had no intentions on buying shrimp and that it wasn’t even on her mind to get but when she walked into the store, Holy Spirit told her to get some shrimp. I wept as I listened to my mother recount what happened. I felt so loved in that moment to know that the God of the universe saw me and loved me so much that He would have my mother buy me shrimp just to enjoy what I kept denying myself of.
God provided, like He said He would and all of our bills were paid on time for December. What is more, my dad gave us a financial gift though we never mentioned anything to him. We did not even so much as look for ways to bring in income. Some may say that it was completely irresponsible. In the flesh, yes, it would be completely irresponsible, but spiritually, God used this to strengthened our faith. We now use this experience as a testament to others that God will make a way in the wilderness and that there is more blessing in being obedient than trying to make a way to be comfortable.
The transformation that God has began in us, and continues to perfect every day, is worth more money than we could ever tithe, give in abundance, or any sacrificial offering. He’s just that good. He’s just that amazing. He’s just that kind of Father.
Warrior Letters 